I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
