; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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