why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
