she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
