Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
