I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Porn is love you can see.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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