maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
