I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
