Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
