I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have already put on my inside pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
