I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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