Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
