dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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