i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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