Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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