11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
