At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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