Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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