now i know why i became what i already was.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
