Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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