every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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