Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
