i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
