Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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