Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
false alarm, still single
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