Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
