So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
