First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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