I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize