so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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