Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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