There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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