she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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