You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize