he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
