I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
