so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
