How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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