did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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