Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
