ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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