Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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