did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
