How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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