dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am one with the molecules
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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