I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
