My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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