I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
