lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you never un-have a 4some
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
