also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
