Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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