So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
