I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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