Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
