yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
