I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
