You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
