dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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