Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
