My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
