At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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