she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
