where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
