I am puke
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
