I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
