I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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