Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i love accidental penises.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
