my phone needs a breathalizer
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
