I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
