he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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