just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
