i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
