No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
