PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
