you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
