Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
