you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
