A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
one two three fourrrrnication!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
