other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
