that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
