i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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