We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
