I think I am morally bankrupt
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
