my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
